TOP 5 QUESTIONS THAT I HATE AND THE ANSWERS THAT GO THROUGH MY HEAD

1.  When do you think you can have it done by?

Answer. I-dont-freaking-know.  Stop asking. When it gets done it gets done and I will tell you.

2.  Oh you must be busy, it's tax season right?

Answer. Oh you must be not listening, for the tenth time I'm telling you that I audit, I don't do tax.  I prolly know as much about tax as you do. and FYI so you dont sound incompetent in the future, tax professionals who work at public firms do not do individual tax return.  HR block does.

3.  Are you seeing anyone? (from my mother)

Answer:  Mother, I will most likely not bring to you every man who hit on me like the freelancer in chinatown who said, "hey shortie where you going?" or a random dude who admitted to "finding" me on xanga/facebook and asking me out on a date through AIM.  So when I meet someone serious, you will know.  Otherwise I'm afraid you might have a stroke.

4.  Dude, ________(insert name) told me that she goes to church every sunday. hahahhaha. Did you know?

Answer: No. But I know that you sound really dumb and narrow minded right now, and you prolly have no idea you're offending the person you're talking to that's also standing right in front of you.  Nice career limiting move.

5.  What do you think of ____________ (insert name)?

Answer: he/she is....uhmmm...nice?  Here's the situation.  If this is asked by a girl about her bf, from the ten seconds that I met him, I prolly cant tell you more than the fact whether or not he is cute.  If he is, then I'm a horrible friend who finds your significant other to be attractive and I automatically become a threat, or a witch who dreams about stealing your bf because he is the only breathing man on this earth.  If he's not cute, you prolly think I don't know what I'm talking about and have the worst taste in men.  On the other hand, if this is a coworker, obviously workplace gossip leads to disaster.  So no, you're not setting me up for this so I can be a victim later on.  Nice try though.

It's Never Easy

Being an adult is not easy.  There are so many things that you cannot do at work:

1.  Skip work like how you would skip class so you can take a nap.

2.  Laugh when someone farts or burps out loud

3.  Selectively answer phone calls and emails

4.  Say "Did you just really say that?" to unintelligent comments.

5.  Eat a pint of icecream to reward yourself for nothing.

6.  Say "Sorry I wasn't listening to you Can you repeat everything that you just said?"

7.  Go to bed at 3am and wake up whenever you like

8.  Express your desire to go home.

9.  Wear comfotable clothing on a daily basis

10. Go on xanga and facebook and get caught.

with that said, i shall sign off before i get in trouble. tootles.

DON'T DO IT! IT'S NOT WORTH IT

okay. lately ive heard many individuals gotten themselves into some serious trouble.
In order to prevent from being the "ultimate a$$hole" in the next discussion
when you hear one of these, DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
why do girls lie? i dont know. we just do.

1.  "OMG I have like nothing to wear what should I do"

2.  "It's okie, you can tell me what you liked about your ex"

3.  "Stop taking me out to eat you are making me fat"

4.  "If you really dont want to go [insert places]/ do [insert activities], it's not a big deal"

5.  "You can treat me like one of your guys"

6.  "Don't worry about calling me if you're too tired/busy"

7.  "I'm fine"

8.  "Watching sports is fun cause it's still hanging out with you"

9.  "You can hang out with her, i understand, she's just a friend"

10.  "I wish I had never met you."

no i am not speaking from personal experience. 
this is just flat out a sincere attempt to save you guys some time and girls some drama.

onto something totally irrelevant, i think i really impressed the manager during training when we each had to draw a pig.  He kinda choked cause he couldnt stop laughing. i mean what can i say, id prolly make big bucks with this if i failed to pass the CPA.

To all you loyal readers, id let you take a peek:

You Hurt My Feelings

you know how littke kids have this crazy amount of energy running around and screaming thier heads off at the same time?  I'd say I'm pretty patient with kids cause they are just too cute, but definitely not very cute when a gorgeous guy in a movie is throwing out some lines that will make you wanna marry him and you can't hear a word.

So, i played the silence game with them. Whoever can talk with the "inner voice" for the longest time wins.  I was so proud of myself for coming up with this brilliant strategy until...

That's right! IT WAS USED ON ME when i was a kid.
my mom used to play this "whoever falls asleep faster game" during bed time. ALWAYS.
i fell for it every single time. i'd shut up and close my eyes just like *that*.  

I am so hurt. The truth is brutal. ouchie.

Disclaimer: DO NOT JUDGE ME.
                  i was only 5 years old.

For as long as i could remember,
I've always been in love with those chinese bakery bread,
particularly bor lor bao.
But being the tiny lil girl that i was,
I'd be full after 3 bites.

So i thought i was such a genius
cause i came up with the best excuse to get rid of my bread
"Mom. do you think kids in africa want my bread cause you told me they were starving."
"You cant just give people what you dont want."
"Mom. Can i just throw my bread to Africa through our window?"
"No. Africa is really far."
"How far?"

Before she even answered, i threw my bread outa the window with all my strength.

I thought i was kinda thoughtful too =)